The Doorpost Film Project

Letting go...

‘The presence, purpose and power of God is discovered best through difficulty.’ – Beth Moore

It’s been almost seven months now.  When I left my job behind and headed down a new road, I had little idea what I was driving towards.  Looking back I can see that at the time my heart was filled with truly naïve expectations.  I had laid hold of hope that I really had no right to claim as my own.  My mind was so full of plans and ideas of the way I believed it was going to be.  But it hasn’t been that way at all.  When everything in me tried to move forward, He held me back.  Now, after almost seven months, I’m still standing still.  What purpose could He have?  What message have I not received?  What does He want me to learn in this difficult time?

Today I was reminded of Paul and Silas, who after being wrongfully accused, were beaten and thrown into prison.  Sometime during in the night God granted them the courage to not only pray, but to sing songs of thanksgiving to God!  When He responded by shaking loose the foundations of their cell they did not run out with shouts of deliverance and freedom, rather they stayed and ministered to the jailer and his family and the other prisoners.   What kind of hope is this?  What kind of fully trusting in the sovereignty of God?  

At present I am bound by invisible chains.  I cannot move forward and I cannot go back.  I have not chosen joy and I know I have certainly not been thankful.  I have not been angry with God, but I have been sullen.  I have been confused and frustrated by His seeming indifference.  I have pleaded for answers but my motives have been selfish.  I know this because I know that if God suddenly opened a door to this cell, I would not choose to stay. 

Yet, He is patient.  He continues to slowly prod me towards these lessons I have yet to fully grasp.  These lessons, I know, can only be received by hands that are empty and open but I have been unwilling to release my grasp on the selfish desires for comfort and significance.  Why must I cling so tightly to that which is not ‘best’ but only ‘good’?

'Bon Appetite' - a new little film to make you smile.

My Christmas Newsletter

For those of you who may not have received my newsletter this year...here it is! 

The Donna Update

Road Trip Edition

December 2008

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.  Hebrews 11:8

Red Light
When I began working at Cedarville University, immediately following my graduation in ’03, I couldn’t have imagined how quickly the next five years would fly by.  Each ear brought new opportunities and blessings and, although my propensity to never say ‘no’ often kept me going for weeks without a evening at home, life in Cedarville, OH was always fulfilling.  I had always known that I wouldn’t be there forever, however, so I wasn’t entirely surprised when, in the midst of the spring semester’s insanity, I began to sense that my time at Cedarville was drawing to a close.  While the prospect of leaving my home of eight years was difficult, I also knew that the time had come for me to move on.  All of my colleagues and friends responded with grace and support, as they also recognized God’s leading me to go.  As I began to relinquish my responsibilities and various roles at work and church, I discovered anew how hard letting go can be.  Yet, in the midst of struggling through the many goodbyes, I was thankful to find that I never once knew a moment of regret or hesitation.  I simply knew that God was moving me on to something new.

Green Light
As I prepared to move from Cedarville the obvious question was of course, ‘where to? ’ and honestly, I had no idea!  The demanding nature of my job, along with all the things I had chosen to be involved in, had left me little time for job hunting and I also felt that it was important for me to take some time to rest and do a little soul searching before jumping directly into a new job.  After a little deliberation, I determined that a road trip, both literal and figurative, was in order.  I wanted time to celebrate embarking on a new adventure and time to seek God’s direction for my next destination.  So, after two months of sorting, packing and acquiring a storage unit in Cedarville, I finally felt ready to go.  Preparing to leave a place always puts into fresh perspective all you had.  My heart was very full and thankful as I packed up my car and left town on August 3. 

Life on the Road
During the next twenty-nine days, I travelled 4,306 miles across the nation.  My route took me through thirteen different states, from Ohio to California and finally to my parent’s home in New Mexico.  All along the way I had the opportunity to visit many friends and family.  Some of the highlights included helping to paint my friend’s house in Michigan, taking the train into downtown Chicago, driving through the Colorado mountains and hiking up to the Hollywood sign in California.  I also created a video blog that features me and my small bamboo plant.  If you missed seeing them, you can still view them at: www.youtube.com/d1infaith 

Yellow Light
After arriving at my parent’s the end of August I buckled down and began searching for a job.  God had clearly given me peace about leaving Cedarville so I believed He would also lead me right to a new job.  After spending several weeks searching and submitting resumes it began to dawn on me that maybe His plan and timing was going to be different than mine.  For a few weeks I really struggled with being impatient and discontent but finally realized that God might be trying to teach me to trust and rest in Him, a lesson He often seems to repeat in my life!  Remembering that God is always active, even in times of seeming inactivity, led me to once again surrender everything over to Him and I have known a more significant peace in this time of waiting since then. 

Rest Stop
So, for the past three months I have been at home with my family in Albuquerque.  Being at home has given me the chance to reconnect with my parents and younger siblings in a fresh way.  I missed so much while living in Ohio and have enjoyed the opportunity to watch my sister pitch for her softball team, attend my brother’s basketball games and sit comfortably at home talking with my mom and dad.  My family has been very supportive and has even taken time out of their busy fall schedules to show me around some of the more interesting spots in New Mexico.  A few of our day trips have included White Sands National Park, The Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta, Tent Rocks National Park and taking the skyway tram up Sandia Peak, which at 10,378 feet, claims the highest point in Albuquerque.

The Final Destination
At the start of this letter I quoted Hebrews 11:8, a verse which came to mind as I recently considered my current situation.  God called Abraham to leave his country and loved ones to travel to an unknown destination.  Bound up in this calling was a promise to Abraham that he would be blessed and that God would make his name great among the nations.  Abraham believed God and his faith in God was accredited to him as righteousness.  Abraham’s belief in God was not based upon what God had already revealed rather he chose to believe God simply because He was God.  God did bless Abraham greatly, so much in fact, that Abraham’s name is the first to appear in the genealogy of Jesus Christ found in Matthew chapter one.  Reading Abraham’s story should fill me with hope for the future, but I still find myself struggling daily with doubts about His plan for me.  I, like Abraham, am still in the dark about my next destination, yet it occurs to me even now that all of life is a journey.  Often I become so distracted by my unanswered questions that I simply forget to take a step back and remember the path I have already travelled.  God has been faithful, He is faithful and He will continue to be faithful on the road up ahead.  He has a purpose too, in this time of waiting.  Perhaps He simply wishes to increase my faith and surely He will make the next step an undeniable showing of His grace and provision.  Choosing now to simply trust Him, I look forward to sharing another chapter of His story for me with you at this time next year.  Until then, I covet your prayers as I continue to seek Him for wisdom and direction. “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9. 
May this Christmas find you placing your faith in the only One who can guide you safely home.

Merry Christmas!

that's all.